


you're a criminal as long as you're mine

by Hieiandshino



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Idiots in Love, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multi, Not Actually Unrequited Love, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Past Relationship(s), Platonic Relationships, Pre-Relationship, Resolved Sexual Tension, Some Humor, implied Belphegor/Fran, implied Reborn/Lambo, more like, or not actually one-sided attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 04:03:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13068726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hieiandshino/pseuds/Hieiandshino
Summary: The one where Yamamoto and Squalo train and bond and try to make 8059 happen, Xanxus is jealous and Gokudera would just like to understand what is going on.(Unrevised work)





	you're a criminal as long as you're mine

**Author's Note:**

> _Katekyo Hitman Reborn!_ does not belong to me.
> 
> Title comes from the song "Bad Romance", by Lady Gaga
> 
> This is an unrevised work, so I'm sorry for my mistakes.
> 
> Request by anon: "Can I ask for some 80S, XS, and 8059? Xanxus and Gokudera jealous of how close Yamamoto and Squalo are getting along?"

People used to tell Hayato he worked too much.

He never really believed them, not when he had to take care of Jyuudaime’s security and agenda, take him clothes to and from the laundry, have meetings, make sure that Hibari was still alive, make sure that Lambo was still in school ( _he was seventeen after all_ ) and not skipping to go on a date with Reborn ( _“assassination attempts” he said and Lambo was the only one who did not notice Reborn was casually leading him to parks or picnic’s or on an expensive restaurant and so Lambo shouldn’t make a scene and should just eat the food Reborn just ordered - his favorite, purely a coincidence_ ), make sure that Reborn knew the age of consent in Italy and which foods were Lambo’s favorites, make sure that Ryohei’s apartment was clean enough to Kyoko to visit and if not clean it himself, make sure that Yamamoto wasn’t lost all the time through the city, make sure Mukuro wasn’t trying to kill all of them again, mark Jyuudaime and the others’ doctor’s appointments, their vacation times, buy their airplanes tickets, check the accountant’s financial statements just in case there is something wrong, negotiate a few things, make the groceries’ list because only he knows which thing each one of them eat… It was just normal, boring, not too much work at all.

Now, though, he thinks that maybe his sister or Shamal was right about that. Overworking is stressful and stress leads to hallucinations. Like going home to read some important documents before sleeping for two hours before he had to catch a plane to Canada and find Xanxus drunkenly sleeping on his porch as if waiting for him.

Hayato looks at his phone, but in his agenda there was nothing about drinking with the leader of the Varia or letting him go near his house. Hayato frowns. He is pretty sure he never told Xanxus his address. The only person of the Varia who knew his personal cell phone ( _but not his home address_ ) was Belphegor, but that was after Fran stole it from Chrome.

 _Change houses_ , he writes on his agenda before he closes his cell phone and approaches the drunk man. Just in case.

“Xanxus?” He whispers, suddenly aware that if the man is a hallucination, he will be seen as crazy by his neighbors. “Yo, Xanxus.”

The man’s eyes fly open and Hayato tries his best not to jump or step away. He is stronger than this and though Xanxus is very powerful and volatile, he is the Jyuudaime’s right-hand man!

Still, he fears for his life when those eyes fill with rage as Xanxus gets up. He only stumbles a little, which is formidable. “Trash.” He snarls and Hayato rolls his eyes.

“What do you want, Xanxus. I’m busy.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“Yes, you—  _what_?” Hayato is surprised by this statement and does take a step back, just in case. “Oh, ok. Then you know why I can’t entertain you… I have no idea what you’re doing here.”

“Take him  _back_.”

Hayato blinks.

“ _Take him back._ ” Xanxus says again, threatening. He fists his hand on Hayato’s perfect suit and he flinches at that. It was very expensive. “Take you fuck trash back and leave me alone.”

“You’re the one who’s pestering me! And I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“You’ve been warned.”

Xanxus lets go of Hayato and he stumbles in the street. When he manages to find his feet, he sees Xanxus’s back as he angrily walked away. “What the fuck, man?” He screams.

“Shut up!” Someone answers. Not Xanxus.

“Come here and shut me, asshole!”

“I will!”

“I’m waiting!”

.

“Someone bombed your neighborhood?” Jyuudaime gasps as he reads the news on the other day, flipping the pages until he finds the whole story.

“Uh… Yeah. So I’m moving out.” He says. “I’ll send you the address today still.”

“Take your time, Gokudera.”

“Thank you.”

“Nowhere is safe anymore, huh.”

“Nope.”

.

It’s only two days later that Hayato understands what Xanxus meant. Precisely when Yamamoto updated his status to him. Near the Varia’s headquarters.

Xanxus answers his call on the first ring.  _“What.”_

“I figure Yamamoto is my trash?” Hayato asks, sighing. He feels a headache blossoming as he takes his glasses off and puts them on his table.

_“Are you taking him back?”_

“Well, the idiot gets lost a lot but I’m sure he is able to leave the town without me having to get him. I can call him an Uber.”

 _“That. is. not. what. I. meant.”_  Xanxus says, pausing at every word and Hayato can hear him grind his teeth together.

“I don’t know what you’re talking them.”

 _“TAKE HIM BACK!”_  He roars and both Hayato and the bird on the window jump at that scream.

The line goes dead and Hayato sighs as he finds Yamamoto’s contact to send him a message.  _Where are you, I’m calling an Uber._

 _Why_ , Yamamoto writes back.

_Xanxus is screaming at me to get you. I think he doesn’t like idiots who get lost all the time._

.

Squalo huffs as he reads the messages. “Vooooi, Xanxus? Why is he talking about Xanxus? He should be missing you! VOOOI!”

“I don’t know.” Takeshi mutters unhappily. “Maybe I should go—”

“NO!” Squalo screams and throws the phone on the wall. Takeshi whines at that. “The point is to make him  _miss you._  MISS YOUR SORRY IN LOVE ASS. AND HE IS GOING TO MISS YOUR SORRY ASS! YOU’RE STAYING!”

“What about Xanxus?”

“HE BETTER NOT GET NEAR XANXUS, OR I’LL KILL HIM!”

“I don’t think he’s his type, I mean—”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE’S NOT HIS TYPE. HE IS EVERYONE’S TYPE. I’LL KILL HIM IF HE DOESN’T WANT XANXUS.”

“He shouldn’t want Xanxus, Squalo. He should want  _me_!”

“YES, BUT. VOOOOI, LET’S TRAIN!”

.

A new night, a new apartment, an old Xanxus on his steps. He is smoking a cigar and that is an unusual, disturbing sign, but Hayato decides to not comment on that. Just by looking at him his mouth waters for a cigarette.

“He didn’t answer his location.” Is all Hayato says as he lights his cigarette. “Just send me a new phone number.”

“It’s all your fault.” Xanxus mutters and Hayato frowns.

“I’m  _busy_. I can’t just go and get him just because he can’t read a goddamned  _map_!” Hayato vents. “I can do it if he is in town, but he’s not. What is he even doing there?”

“RUINING MY LIFE!” Xanxus screams and, okay, that made sense.

“I’ll ask Jyuudaime—”

“It’s you who are the problem. YOU. You and your—” He points his cigar at Hayato as if he is making a point, but there is nothing there.

Nothing.

And then there is light. “It’s my fault Yamamoto is there?” Hayato asks.

“YES. IT IS.”

“What did  _I do_? We haven’t been in touch for months!” And Hayato doesn’t care. He doesn’t. He is fine with that, has been ever since Yamamoto entered his office smelling of cheap perfume for his new mission and—”

“I don’t care, trash. You were the one who broke up with him.”

“No, I didn’t—” Silence. “Wait, what?”

“Take him back.” Xanxus says, threatening. “Or I’ll send him in pieces.”

 _“What?_ ”

Xanxus finishes his cigar and stands. However, instead of leaving like he did the last time, he turns towards Hayato’s door and kicks it open. Then, he enters.

“What the fuck, Xanxus.” Is all Hayato can say.

“My plane only leaves tomorrow.” Xanxus answers in lieu of a justification.

“I COULD’VE OPENED THE DOOR!”

.

Hayato watches as Xanxus, once enemy, now less than an ally, sleeps on his bed, cuddling a pillow. It has to be the most bizarre thing he has seen in this life, and he lived with Bianchi — who saw Reborn and Lambo on a picnic and said they were just good friends have a meal together ( _Hayato is pretty sure her brain could not make the connection_ ). He breathes through his mouth a few times before he leaves the bedroom and goes to the kitchen.

There he calls Yamamoto.

_“Hello?”_

“What the fuck have you been spreading, you asshole.”

_“What?”_

“We ‘broke up’? We ‘BROKE UP’? SINCE WHEN DID WE DATE?”

_“What are you talking about—”_

“Why is Xanxus sleeping on my bed, Yamamoto. Why is Xanxus sleeping on my fucking bed.”

There is silence.

_“You’re not—”_

“OF COURSE I’M FUCKING NOT! DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!”

_“I didn’t! You—”_

“He is in my bed because, apparently, I broke up with you.” Hayato sighs, angrily. “Now, that does sound like something I would do because you piss me off so much, but we never dated”

 _“He got it wrong.”_  Yamamoto answers, hurriedly.  _“I swear, I never told anyone we were together because I know better than anyone that we’re—”_

“Solve it.”

Five minutes later, Xanxus’s phone rings.

.

This is what Hayato hears:

“TRASH, YOU FUCKING TRASH, I’M GOING TO KILL YOU FOR WAKING ME UP! ME! ME? YOU KNOW WHY I’M HERE, TRASH. YES, EXACTLY.” A pause. “I DON’T CARE! YOU DECIDED TO— YOU— DON’T SCREAM AT ME WHEN I’M SCREAMING AT YOU!”

Squalo, then, Hayato concludes.

“I’M SOLVING WHAT YOU’RE NOT. BECAUSE APPARENTLY I’M YOUR SECOND CHOICE AND I’M XANXUS. I’M NOBODY’S SECOND CHOICE, EVEN MORE FROM YOU, TRASH. YOU TRASH.”

_What did you do, you idiot? I’m going to kill you when I see you, Yamamoto._

“DO YOU KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO DO WITH YOU WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN? I’LL KEEP YOU IN MY CHAMBERS, TRASH. YOU WON’T LEAVE THERE UNTIL I’M DONE WITH YOU! I’LL FUCK YOU UNTIL YOU BLEED, I’LL DESTROY THIS BODY OF YOURS I’LL—”

Hayato starts looking at new houses. Perhaps an apartment? What about a farm? And when the threats start to sound like dirty talk, he decides to crash on his office.

.

The Varia is loud.

Louder than Takeshi would expect, when they all seem to hate each other so much. Yet, Lussuria and Leviathan are having a conversation about who should’ve won the last season of  _RuPaul’s Drag Race_  and Fran is teasing Belphegor over something. Upstairs, in Xanxus’s office, Squalo keeps screaming.

“STOP GETTING IN THE WAY!”

“I’M OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO HELP.”

“NO, YOU’RE NOT! VOOOOOI, WHY CAN’T YOU LET ME DEAL WITH THIS?”

“BECAUSE YOU SUCK AT IT!”

Takeshi sighs and stares at his oatmeal. Maybe he should have asked Ryohei and Tsuna’s help, after all.

.

This is what happened: Squalo and Takeshi met by accident in a city while they carried out different missions. Squalo told them to get a drink and Takeshi may drink sake like it’s no big deal, but he doesn’t have so much control over wine. He drinks and he drinks and he drinks and suddenly the grape juice is pure alcohol and—”

Well, he started to talk. About Gokudera. About how much he wants to call him Hayato and have him on his bed and wake up next to him because he loves him he loves him so much he could die and maybe he is dying I mean I know I’m dying I’m not immortal and then he passed out.

Next thing he knows, Belphegor is drawing mustaches on his face with permanent marker and Squalo and Xanxus are shouting something about their sex life.

“What’s going on?” Takeshi asked Fran, who always seemed the sanest and collected of them, as soon as he shoos Belphegor away to start drawing frogs on Takeshi’s chest.

The permanent marker did tickle as he drew. “Squalo wants to play cupid and the boss doesn’t like when he stops being the center of attention.”

“Oh.”

“Please lie down, my frogs are all weird.”

“Sorry.”

And that’s how Hayato’s hell begun.

.

Hayato stares at his phone, almost afraid to pick up. He now has Xanxus’s phone number memorized on his screen and on his mind, just in case. The problem with Xanxus is that he is an ally and thus every call could be an important one. Hayato fights himself over this, arguing that if it was important he would call Reborn or Jyuudaime himself, but—

He picks up the phone. “Yes?”

His assistant, Ana, immediately stops talking and starts writing down something. She is so efficient Hayato sometimes wonders why he hasn’t married her already, except he knows why very well. Not only because it wouldn’t work.

 _“You have to surprise him.”_ Xanxus starts.  _“He is on a mission and you’re horny? Just go to his hotel room and—”_

Hayato sends his phone flying towards the closest window. The sound of it crashing against the glass and then falling towards its death startles Ana only a little. She jumps in her chair, yes, and then stares at the scene before she hands him a new phone from her purse. “May we continue?”

“OH MY GOD, WHAT WAS THAT?!” Jyuudaime screams.

 _I love you_ , Hayato thinks. “Yes.” He says.

.

Hayato is reviewing Lambo’s homework while said cow is whining about  _too much homework_  when there is a knock on the door. “Come in.” He says.

Ana enters holding a beautiful bouquet of white flowers and both Hayato and Lambo stare at it in awe. She places it in the center of his desk and Lambo gets up to investigate. “Who send it?”

There is a small note with Yamamoto’s ridiculously bad calligraphy about seeing this in a flower shop and thinking of him. And this is why Hayato doesn’t marry, would never marry, would stay forever busy and forever enthralled with Yamamoto Takeshi’s ridiculously charming affection towards him.

It hurts, yes, but the pain cannot compare with the happiness that it gives him, so he doesn’t let go.

“There is another gift for you.” Ana tells him and when he glances, he knows who it is from.

“Throw it out.” Hayato says and she just leaves.

Neither of them sees the note that falls from the book about sexual positions that Xanxus send it to him. However, Lambo does.

.

“Did you know Xanxus is trying to seduce Gokudera?” He asks one day to Reborn. He should’ve been trying to kill him, but Reborn was out for ice cream on Lambo’s favorite ice cream parlor, so—

Reborn snorts.  _Snorts_. “What?”

.

Reborn tells Bianchi who tells Shamal who laughs out loud and then tells Tsuna when he comes for a check-in who leaves terrified and soon the whole mafia knows and the families that have nothing to do with the Vongola. It’s not gossip, you see. Gossip is for housewives and women in general, not a bunch of powerful men who want to dominate the world through its shadows.

It’s very important information.

.

“Gossipers.” Hayato mumbles. “All of them. The whole mafia! Even my father, my  _father_ , asked me this.”

“It would explain why you never entered relationships.” Ana says. Her eyes never leave her agenda. “You never showed interest towards anyone and Xanxus did sleep in your house the other day.”

“How do you know that?”

“One of your neighbors is a small time henchman to one of the families who work for us.”

_“Oh God.”_

“Fyi, everyone knows this too.”

.

Takeshi spends more time training with the Varia then actually creating a plan to seduce Gokudera once and for all. Mostly because they don’t know what they are doing and every time they hit a wall they think it would do great to just train to clear their heads. These days, however, he has been avoiding the Varia’s headquarters together with half of the members of the group because of a gossip that reached Xanxus and Squalo’s bedroom.

“How long do you think it will clear it out?” He asks Lussuria.

They wonder for a moment before they say: “A few days. But I bet it will be used as a weapon when they start arguing with each other.”

Takeshi laughs at this. “I wouldn’t expect anything else from either of them.”

In his head, he wonders that if he made a break towards the door, how far would he go before Squalo brought him back.

.

Tsuna doesn’t really care about his friends ( _subordinates_ ) lovers and partners. As long as they are happy, they can date whoever they wanted. Saying this, he is actually worried about Gokudera’s well being when Xanxus — who Tsuna swore was with Squalo — invaded his headquarters screaming for Gokudera.

His assistant, Ana, always so helpful and utterly fearless, led him to where Hayato was. Not his office, or his bedroom in the mansion, but to a dining room they barely used. It was secluded and was good enough to have a conversation about their relationship, Tsuna guessed, but, still, it felt wrong to leave Hayato to scream at Xanxus without backup.

That is why he is here, sitting in the hallway, text messaging Ryohei who wants to know what is happening and if he should go back to the HQ to help out.  _Don’t worry_ , Tsuna wrote,  _I have backup._

He’s not talking about Lambo, who is sitting next to him with his ten-year bazooka and trembling a little, but refusing to let his Nii-chan alone with that madman. He is talking about Chrome and her determined eyes and, surprisingly, Hibari.

“Are they really together?” Hibari asks after a moment.

Tsuna stops describing what is happening to Ryohei to listen to them: “MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T SEND ME BOOKS ABOUT PERVERTED THINGS!”

“HOW ARE YOU GOING TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM THEM?”

“WHAT PROBLEM, THERE IS NO PROBLEM!”

“YES, THERE IS. SAID PROBLEM IS TAKING UP SPACE IN MY HOUSE AND MY SUBORDINATES!”

“OH, WHY DON’T YOU ADMIT YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS OF—”

“I AM XANXUS, I DON’T GET JEALOUS.”

“THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?”

“BECAUSE YOU TOLD EVERYONE WE’RE TOGETHER!”

“I DIDN’T TELL ANYONE THIS, IT ALL STARTED WITH YOU SENDING ME PERVERT SHIT—”

“I WAS TRYING TO HELP YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL TRASH!”

They both kept going in circles and never seemed to agree on something. “I’m not sure.” Tsuna admitted. “I think it may be a misunderstanding.”

Hibari mutters. “Idiots.”

“Yeah.”

.

When they got tired of arguing about the same thing over and over again — two hours after Tsuna and his guardians left because they had other things to do and it obvious Xanxus and Hayato weren’t going to kill each other ( _unfortunately, reminded Hibari and Lambo did ask what was he doing there anyway, just to run away when Hibari glared at him_ ) — they actually sat together to drink something.

“I don’t understand why things can’t be simple.” Xanxus says as if his life was actually simple, but Hayato isn’t going to point that out now. “Just take him back.”

“There is no taking anyone back!” Hayato says slowly. “Listen to me: Yamamoto and I are never getting back together because we were never together.”

“What.”

“I don’t know where you got this information from, but we never, ever, dated.” Hayato explains and becomes sullen. “We are just friends. We are only just friends ever since we met. He dated a lot. I didn’t. But never with each other.”

“Oh, I see.” Xanxus says and he drinks more of his wine. “You’re both idiots.”

“Yes! That’s it, we are— No. Wait, no.”

“There is only one thing to be done.”

“Kill Yamamoto?” Hayato tries, not liking Xanxus’s tone. “Because Jyuudaime might agree after I explain what he did—”

“Get that man of yours and fuck him senseless until he agrees to be with you only.”

“What.”

“It worked for me.” And that’s something Hayato didn’t need to know ( _though now Ryohei owned him one hundred bucks_ ). “Now, show me what you can do.”

“Oh God.”

.

“I think—” Takeshi starts as he stares at his glass of wine, watching the drink’s color as if it was a beautiful painting. “—you are ruining my life and relationship with Gokudera.”

“Voooi, this makes no sense!” Squalo says and finishes his bottle of wine in almost one go. “I bet he never thought of you so much as in this moment.”

“Yeah. On killing me.”

“Same thing, same thing.”

“Sometimes I worry about you, Squalo.”

.

After this, Hayato asks Ana to fend his calls, but after the first try, she simply hands him his phone back and tells he is not paid to listen to pornography. He feels himself blush and she smiles a little, softly, which is payback for whatever she heard Xanxus say. “When will this end?” He wonders to her, who answers without even thinking about it: “Maybe if you do something about Yamamoto Takeshi.”

So it’s late, really late, and Hayato is looking at old pictures of Yamamoto and he and wondering if it would be considered treason to the Vongola if he put a hit on him.

Not that he will, of course not. Just. It’s a nice thought.

( _it’s not what Ana meant and he knows this, but his heart clenches and flutters at the same time and he doesn’t know if the knot in his stomach are butterflies or anxiety and killing people who bothered him was always the choice_ )

Yamamoto’s smile blinds him a little.

.

Once upon a time, Hayato considered kissing Yamamoto.

Once upon all the time, in fact, but in this particular day Yamamoto and he were graduating and Hayato would be moving to Italy with Jyuudaime and Yamamoto would stay behind to go to college and become a baseball player until he graduated.

It was night and people were laughing and Yamamoto stopped smiling as he stared at Hayato for a moment too long. And it would be easy, so easy, too easy, and that’s why he stopped himself. “See ya, Yamamoto.” He said instead and his lips trembled in loneliness.

Hayato was an idiot then for many things, but not on this. It would be too long until they met and he couldn’t deal with the idea of finally having Yamamoto in the family and finding out he moved on. After he kissed him all these years ago and waited for him, just to not have him then. It would be more painful than to harbor these feelings without reciprocation.

They would have time, when Yamamoto was finally part of the family and baseball and college was far away. They would have time in Hayato’s mind, because he still was Bianchi’s sister and though he felt it was pathetic to keep on loving this one man who she would never have ( _and that became true_ ), he knew he would be the same ( _and that also became true_ ) with that stupid, baseball-loving idiot who smiled too much and let everyone in, everyone near him.

Years passed and when Yamamoto came back, taller and smiling too much still, he talked about a girl he left behind together with all the rest of his dreams.

.

His cell phone rings and Hayato is busy reading something. He feels like shit, tired and done with the world, but still working because that is his job. Still, he is fragile enough to not think of the consequences when he puts the call on speaker. “Yes?”

_“Trash, you’ve got to fuck him well and hard so he can stop distracting my trash. Gokudera Hayato, I will tell you how to fuck a man—”_

Hayato ends the call. He stares at his cell phone for a few seconds, unblinking, before he looks back at Ryuuhei and Hibari, who are wearing matching frowns on their faces. “It was a mistake.”

“He said your name.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ryohei.”

.

After three months, Lambo asks over lunch: “Where is Yamamoto? I haven’t seen him in a while”

Reborn snorts. “You just noticed now? Stupid cow.”

“Well, no, but I just thought he was having lots of missions and I wasn’t here when he was—”

“Avoiding you? Sounds like a wonderful idea.”

Lambo flinches and Hayato only narrows his eyes at Reborn, who just smirks. “Nah, he has been away. He is training or something.”

“Yes!” Jyuudaime says and smiles at Lambo, who smiles back. Both Hayato and Reborn roll their eyes at this. “He said if we need him, he is ready to go.”

“Oh, where is Yamamoto training? Not too far away, then?”

“He’s with Squalo.” Hayato says and there is some silence around the table.

“Oh.” Lambo says after a moment. “Everything makes sense now.”

He is staring at Hayato and he feels himself blush at that. Reborn hides a smirk by pretending to wipe his mouth. Tsuna changes the subject.

.

“I already told you to stop calling me. If you have so much free time, I can find some missions for you.”

_“I’m just very good at managing my time.”_

“If you want more time with Squalo, maybe you shouldn’t delegate everything to him.” Hayato says, and he can feel Xanxus getting angry over the phone. “This way you wouldn’t have to be so jealous of Yamamoto just because he gets to spend Squalo’s training time with him.”

 _“Shut your mouth, trash.”_ Xanxus threatens. His voice is so full of anger it trembles.

“Why? You can comment on my sexual life but I can’t say anything on yours?”

_“I have one, at least.”_

“Do you? Because it’s two am and here we are—”

The line goes dead. Hayato smirks at himself and is actually capable of finishing his job, going to bed and waking up without phone calls from anyone from Varia.

.

For all his complaining, Xanxus still has Squalo on his bed most of the times. Like here, riding him and moaning in a way that says how much this trash likes his cock, begging for it — for more —, his hair a mess all around him. And Xanxus likes this, likes this very much, but when he is getting closer, he just flips them and thrusts into Squalo and hears him say “Asshole” and—

Oh.

_Oh._

He stops moving and Squalo screams. “Vooooi! What are you doing! Move, boss!”

“He’s a bottom.”

_“What?”_

.

 _“Boss asked me to give you some advice,”_  Fran’s apathetic voice tells him and Hayato is suddenly very afraid.

“What happened to Xanxus?”

_“He finally understood what everyone did.”_

Hayato blinks. “That Yamamoto and I aren’t a thing?”

_“That you’re a bottom.”_

Hayato explodes his office.

.

Jyuudaime sighs as he massages his forehead. “You can’t destroy your office every time someone pisses you off, Gokudera.”

“I’m aware, Jyuudaime, but—”

“I mean, I understand what it is to want to destroy everything, but we suffer enough with Hibari—”

“Yes, I know, Jyuudaime, but Xanxus—”

“I just don’t understand. What did he tell you to make you lose control now? I mean, you seemed to deal well with his sudden interest in your life and even with the rumors, so I don’t—”

“He told Fran I’m a bottom.” Hayato spills and feels himself blush.

Jyuudaime blinks. “Is this some slur? Or is it—”

“Think,” Reborn says suddenly and they both jump. Neither of them noticed he had entered the room “gay sex.”

There is a moment of silence.

“Oh.” Jyuudaime says and thinks for a few seconds. Then, his face blanches considerably. “ _Oh_. Well, in this case—”

Jyuudaime doesn’t know what to say. Hayato understands. He doesn’t know either.

.

“But of who?” Tsuna asks suddenly. Reborn stares at him for a moment and Tsuna blushes a little bit, not noticing he said that out loud. “Gokudera. As a— Bottom.”

“Everyone.” Reborn answers.

“That can’t be! I mean, Gokudera is— Gokudera is—”

“He’s a power bottom.”

“I don’t even know what that is and I DON’T WANT TO” Tsuna warns Reborn, whose mouth was already open to answer.

Reborn closes his mouth to smirk at him.

.

Fran drinks tea instead of coffee. He’s apathetic eyes don’t even blink when the hot beverage touch his lips. Hayato must say, he is impressed.

“What are you doing here?” Hayato asks. “It’s better to be business related or—”

“It’s not. You know this.”

Hayato sighs. “Can’t Xanxus just let it go?”

“No. He just wants to help.”

“He. Isn’t.”

“I know.” Fran sips his tea. “I don’t want to be here, truth be told.”

“I gathered. I’m surprised he didn’t send Squalo.”

There is a tiny smile on Fran’s face. Very small, Hayato almost misses it. In a blink of an eye, it’s gone. “That would beat the purpose. The only reason he is doing this is because of that stupid shark is wasting his time holding your ex’s—”

“—HE’S NOT MY EX—”

“—hand and not staring at the boss as if he was the center of the universe.”

Hayato blinks. “He’s jealous.”

“Yes.”

“Of Yamamoto.”

“Yes.”

Hayato sighs again. Fran drinks more of his tea.

.

Reborn wakes up to the sound of his cell phone filling the room. His eyes fly open and one of his hand meet the gun underneath his pillow as the other takes the call. “What is it?” He asks.

 _“Ok, but what about me.”_  Tsuna says and Reborn frowns.

“What?”

 _“Gokudera and me.”_  Tsuna answers.  _“Hypothetically. I’d be the bottom, right?”_

“I’m going to shoot you, brat.”

.

Fran drinks vodka like he drinks tea: unblinking, not nearly as affected as he should be. Deep inside his mind, Hayato wonders if he can drink anyway. What’s his age?, he thinks.

Hayato opens his mouth to ask that, but instead says: “I just don’t get it. Why is everyone so obsessed with me and Yamamoto anyway.”

“Because you two are idiots.” Fran answers.

“We’re not—”

“Twelve years and this. It’s no wonder that shark took pity on him.”

“Pity? On him?” Hayato says and then snorts. _“He dated other people.”_

Fran blinks a few times. Then, he makes a movement with his hand and suddenly there are so many tequila shots in front of them Hayato doesn’t even know how they got there. Maybe he is a little drunk. “Tell me more.”

Hayato opens his mouth to say ‘Fuck off, that’s private’ but what comes out is: “Sure.”

.

“So he really is the bottom.” Squalo says, admired. “Vooooi, that makes so much sense.”

“I don’t know.” Takeshi answers and then hides his face between his hands. He ought to stop drinking wine. “I don’t know but I want to. So much.”

Squalo pats his shoulder. “Drink.”

“No, I drank too much already, I—”

“No sense. It’s just wine. You can’t get drunk from wine.”

.

“He dated around. Girls and boys and women and men and I— I was busy. I had too much to do and couldn’t just stop my work to pursue a relationship with an idiot obsessed with soccer. It seemed we were never on the same page. So I just let go and Yamamoto never mentioned, so—”

“But you want to.”

“Well, yeah—”

“And you’re not that busy now.”

“Hm, no, I—”

“And he’s not dating.”

“I don’t think so—”

“Then why not right now?”

.

“Brat.” Reborn warns as Tsuna keeps giggling. He sounds a little drunk.

_“Okay, you’re crazy. Crazy. Me. Topping Gokudera. This is ridiculous. Like, he’s taller than me.”_

Reborn frowns. “What this has to do with anything?”

_“It just doesn’t make any sense! And look, the bottom is always smaller, I mean, have you read a yaoi manga?”_

“Have you?”

_“…This isn’t important, Reborn. What is important is that—”_

Reborn ends the call. He sighs, tiredly, and lays down on his bed. Closes his eyes and—

He gets up and calls Tsuna.

“He would never have the courage to fuck you, Tsuna.”

_“You don’t know that!”_

.

“Of course I fooled around. With some guys. Never was into women anyway. But I never dated then, because dating means compromise and I would never—”

“But Yamamoto did.”

“Yes! Which means he felt something for them and he is always so friendly and gets attached so quickly I can’t trust him to not get tired of me and suddenly want to date someone else. What if he does that?”

“So you’re protecting himself.”

“Yes. This is why I’ve never had anything to do with Yamamoto but Xanxus doesn’t listen to me! He send me an email telling in detail what he did with Squalo the same day—”

“Ew.”

“—Yes, ew. He said ‘It will work with everyone’ and that’s not something I need to know or think about. I mean. It’s Xanxus and Squalo. I don’t know how you live with them and don’t get crazy.”

“Me neither.”

“And anyway, how does Xanxus know you like to get fucked, you talk about this?”

“He assumed.”

“From what?”

“From my relationship with Belphegor.”

“Oh. I didn’t know you two—”

“We’re not.”

“Then why—”

“At this point, I’m afraid to ask.”

.

Hibari’s eyes take the view in front of him with some amusement and more concern than he ought to have. Sawada Tsunayoshi has bags under his eyes and he has missed his cup of coffee three times when he went to put sugar in it. He flinches every time the light glistens on the silverware. It’s so bad that the herbivore that Reborn is so infatuated with has decided to intervene and the grateful smile he received from Sawada made him cry a little bit.

Hibari almost lost his appetite.

Reborn, on the other hand, looks pensive and angry, which means he didn’t sleep well. Gokudera Hayato is wearing sunglasses and avoiding eating anything greasy and Hibari can’t think of how pathetic is that. By his side, a kid wearing a giant frog in his head — Varia, he is almost sure — eats in silence, though he is heavily drinking tea, which means he did partake on Gokudera’s pathetic activities.

 _What is going on?_ , he wonders as he eats. He doesn’t care enough to ask, but he is curious enough to demand an answer. So, after breakfast, he follows Sawada to his office and asks, tonfas in hand, what is going on in this place.

“Do you think I’d top Gokudera if we had sex?” Is his answer.

Hibari gets up and leaves, no intentions of coming back.

.

Jyuudaime receives a report and soon all his guardians are clawing each other to have a mission related. Nothing much, but it sounds dangerous for someone of lesser level within the family and, okay, maybe it was just Hayato and Hibari screaming about needing to kill someone because of this madness.

“You should suffer, herbivore.” Hibari spits. “You’re the one that caused this.”

“Me?” Hayato screams and stares at Jyuudaime, opening his arms as if to say ‘can you believe this guy?’. Tsuna, who is working out the courage to ask Gokudera if, if they had sex, he would top Tsuna or not, just looks away, embarrassed. “It’s all Yamamoto’s fault!”

“How?”

Hayato opens his mouth many times and promptly closes it. He doesn’t know where to start.

“Yamamoto is actually going.” Jyuudaime says suddenly. “Since he is near and all. I just need one more guardian to back him up because—”

Hibari and Hayato stare at him. “In this case.” Hibari starts. “You can have it.”

“What? No! No. No.” Hayato says. “You wanted more. You do it.”

“You must suffer. You go.”

“But you—”

“I don’t want it anymore.”

“What, you can’t withdraw from this now.”

“I can and I am.” Hibari says and walks away.

Hayato stares at Jyuudaime, who gives him the file. He looks at the folder on his hand and then smiles weakly. “What about Lambo?”

“Spending the weekend with Reborn.” Or, in Lambo’s words, Reborn will go to France for a small vacation and that is the total opportunity to kill him. And eat some grapes, because it’s a vineyard and they have the best grapes in all Europe, can you believe his luck?

Hayato leaves with an indignant cry and as he takes the file and the mission, he warns Reborn to stay the hell away from that stupid cow.

Now he is here, under fire, and Yamamoto is nowhere to be seen. Last time he got word on him — through Belphegor, who asked more about Fran and he and of course he wasn’t jealous, why would he be jealous of Fran, he was just a stupid frog, his frog, but not that attractive also if you touch him I’ll kill you —, he was going straight inside.

There is blood everywhere and heavy fire and Hayato is not worried. Of course not. The idiot will be fine, because Yamamoto is good besides being slow and too friendly, but he will be fine. He will. The blood is not his. Can’t be.

( _not now, not when Hayato had to dig up all his feelings and put them out there, to people he doesn’t even know. Again. They were buried, nice and tidy underneath his work and his duty and Jyuudaime and now it’s all out and he can’t stop thinking of what could be done this time, twelve years later it first blossomed and if Yamamoto dies Hayato will die too, he knows this. Can’t survive another heartbreak over the same baseball idiot who he once almost kissed and then left because he was a coward_ )

Hayato opens his eyes and opens his automatic lighter.

.

Later, Hayato is sure he will be chided on by Jyuudaime, because the point was to secure the building that once belonged to the Vongola, not to destroy it with a powerful explosion.

Not with Yamamoto inside, at least.

He coughs as he walks with some difficulty through the debris, Shigure Kintoki in hands. Hayato waits for him near a tree, smoking his third cigarette since he threw the dynamites inside the place, trying to not look as anxious as he feels.

“Hey.” Yamamoto says, smiling. He scratches his neck with one hand, that stupid thing he always does when he is sorry and Hayato hates himself for loving him this much. “So, I figure you’re mad at me.”

Hayato snorts and chokes on the smoke from his own cigarette. It hasn’t happened in a while. It makes him chuckle, even while choking. He covers his mouth with his hand as he chokes as a way to hide his smile. In front of him, Yamamoto looks more and more concerned.

“Gokudera—” He says and approaches him, just like Hayato wanted. He lights the dynamite in his hand and throws.

It’s sweet to see the alarmed face on Yamamoto when he sees what is coming to him.

Mad doesn’t even compute.

.

Takeshi’s back hits the ground and he groans. Shigure Kintoki rolls away from him, and he stretches his arm to get it, but a pair of shoes covered in dust appear and stays between his sword and his hand.  _So this is how I die_ , Takeshi thinks for a moment, before he looks up and stares at Hayato’s cold eyes.

And the thing is: Hayato is so pretty, even when he is so mad, but so mad that he becomes a stone statue. It reminds Yamamoto of those Italian sculptures that imitated Greek ones. He becomes more like his father’s lineage ( _Italian, mafioso_ ) than his mother’s ( _Japanese, friend_ ) and it’s no wonder he is Tsuna’s right hand. It takes his breath away, the same way it did that first day when he sat with Tsuna and he and he smirked at him. It was a morning and the light entered and Takeshi is not a poet, but. At that moment he thought he could write eulogies about him.

And with everything related to Gokudera Hayato, he tried, later that night. And failed.

( _this is why you tried to forget him, through girlfriends and boyfriends. You wanted him so much, but he was never available and would never be. You asked your father and Reborn and Colonello and Dino and each person told you, at different times of your life, forget him. Squalo was the first to say fight him. Fight for him. If you didn’t forget him now, then he is worthy of your feelings and he said while looking at Xanxus and Xanxus smiled when he noticed and you wanted this, you still do_ )

“I screwed up everything, huh?” Takeshi asks as Hayato bends down. His knees hit the ground, his perfect suit ruined by the dirt.

Gokudera touches his chin. His rings are warm against his skin and Takeshi wonders if Gokudera kept turning them again and again, in ways that mean he is so nervous not even cigarettes can help him.

“No.” Gokudera says, finally. He smiles softly and bends down.

Takeshi meets him halfway, already clinging to him, desperate, drowning, in love.

.

Squalo was hungry and so he went for food. He went into the kitchen and got milk and was thinking of a sandwich and then he was attacked.

This is what he’ll say if Lussuria or Belphegor ask why is the boss between his legs, kissing him fervently on his neck, forcing him to bend down against the counter, ripping his clothes to show his bruised torso, nipples hard the moment that solid chest crashed against his back.

“Xanxus.” He whispers. Calls him like this only when they are in bed. Surprisingly, he doesn’t like to be called boss while they fuck. Squalo likes this more than he thought he would, when he found out.

(not here _, Xanxus said after Squalo tried._ Not here)

He still doesn’t get why.

Xanxus fingers are full of intent and a tingle of anger. He means to be harsh and slow. “Xanxus.” Squalo says again, smiling a little before kissing him on his mouth, while opening his pants. He is so hard underneath his boxers Squalo wants to taste it. Wants to lick it. He moans at the thought, licks his lips and shudders. Xanxus’s eyes become darker and darker.

“Filth.” He whispers, lovingly, before he backhands Squalo. He bites his tongue at this and the taste of blood makes Squalo groan. He parts his lips, needing to breathe through his mouth. His body is so hot.

“Xanxus,” a pause and Squalo knows he shouldn’t tease, but he likes the consequences, anyway. Besides, he isn’t on the Varia because of his wits. “were you jealous?”

His answer comes with Xanxus holding his body, slamming him against his chest. Squalo laughs, delighted, as Xanxus spin them and he never rode Xanxus on the kitchen counter, he never—

Squalo is thrown on the floor.

“VOOOOIII” He screams as he recovers from the fall. His wrist hurt. His elbow too. “What the fuck?”

Xanxus answers him by climbing on top of him and yanking his pants, not bothering with taking his boots off.

 _Totally is,_  Squalo thinks, proud of himself.

.

“Lambo!” Tsuna says and Reborn frowns. He doesn’t want to, but his eyes search for the stupid cow.

“What?”

“Lambo! He would totally be the bottom if he and Gokudera were together!”

Reborn’s expression darkens, Tsuna doesn’t notice. “He wouldn’t even think of topping Gokudera, and there is the difference of age and how he looks up to Gokudera more than anyone else. This proves my point, Gokudera would— Reborn, why are you pointing your gun at— AUGH”

In hindsight, he had it coming.

**Author's Note:**

> Not exactly how anon wanted but... That's the turn the story took? 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys like it! It was really fun writing something absurd with them again (this time in another language! omg!)
> 
> PS: Fran doesn't know he is in a relationship with Belphegor. Don't tell him.


End file.
